A Local Government Nerd’s 12 Days of Christmas

Today’s Morning Buzz is brought to you by Matt Horn, the Director of Local Government Services for MRB Group; and a firm believer in opening all presents on Christmas Day…

What I’m Watching: Bad Sport—an amazing Netflix documentary series about the hijinks athletes get themselves into.
What I’m Listening to: Creating my non-traditional Christmas playlist, so I’m digging up a lot of fun stuff…Run-Rudolph-Run by the Grateful Dead, Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC…you know, the classics…
What I’m Reading: An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth; by Chris Hadfield. It’s reinforcing the fact that I need to get my you-know-what together…

I’m one of those guys that sees local government everywhere I go. I’m the guy on vacation who takes pictures of unique curb lines and watches City Council meetings on Public Access TV in my hotel room. I just can’t get my head out of it. So, as you can imagine, this time of year the culture shifts dramatically to Christmas…shelves are stocked with green and red Hershey Kisses, houses are decorated with those Fire Chief approved string lights, and the radio is blaring out “All I Want for Christmas (is you)” at alarming intervals…

But, everywhere I go, I have visions of equipment amortization and playground safety dancing in my head (move over Sugar Plum Fairies). As I was listening to the radio this week, I started matching local gov stuff to Christmas tunes…and as such, I bring you the “Twelve Days of Christmas”, as experienced by me—a lifelong local government nerd.

Twelve Drummers Drumming:

When I was a City Manager, we had this amazing partnership with a group called the 2 Herons Drum Circle. They used percussion as a means to bring people together. They’d cart a bunch of drums into a local playground, and let community members jam. Then, before they packed up, they had everyone walk the entire park and pick up litter. It was really incredible…

Eleven Pipers Piping:

Bagpipers always remind me of the September 11^th and Memorial Day ceremonies we have every year. These are somber and sobering events, organized wholly by volunteers. It reinforces the importance of civic engagement in creating great places to live.

Ten Lords-a-Leaping:

This evokes images of my own Little Lord Hudson, and all of his friends jumping off of the tallest playground equipment possible. I am constantly checking playground fall zones in City parks (my own and others), and scowling at thin layers of wood chips…

Nine Ladies Dancing:

When I worked in a finance department in metro Atlanta, the City executed a revenue crackdown on local adult businesses. One afternoon, several limousines pulled up to the office, and a dozen performers – in their full nighttime regailia – arrived in the Finance Department to pay their annual entertainer’s license fee.

Eight Maids-a-Milking:

Most communities I have worked in have the most amazing farmers’ markets. Local dairy, produce, baked goods…live music, food trucks, you name it. In one community, I established a mobile City Hall, and we set up every week in the Farmers’ Market. Senior staff, City Council members, and myself engaged with residents on every topic you can imagine!

Seven Swans-a-Swimming:

One of my earliest jobs was in economic development. We had attracted an AFLAC service center to the community, and to welcome them, the City Manager had the local DPW guys round up a few ducks from the City park pond. When the AFLAC execs arrived at City Hall, we released the ducks…and hilarity ensued (it’s hilarious now…wasn’t then, as I recall). Hilarity first. Lots of mopping next.

Six Geese-a-Laying:

If you’re reading this and have any significant inland body of water in your community (and have responsibility for keeping the shoreline clean), you know what geese really lay. It’s terrible.

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS…

In New York State there’s a law for everything. We had a jewelry store announce that it was going out of business, and I started getting complaints from neighboring jewelers. It seems that New York Law requires that any jewelry store operator, announcing a “Going Out of Business Sale” has to register with the state—timeline is limited, ad language is restricted. You learn something every day…

Four Calling Birds:

There are a whole lot of birds on this list…which reminds me: the northeast is laden with crows in the fall and winter. They come into the cities and roost at night; apparently relieving themselves of the day’s intake on underlying cars and sidewalks. We tried everything to keep them moving—lasers (that’s right: fricking lasers, man), robotic owls, fireworks. My Appalachian grandmother even suggested that we tie a few expired crows to the tree…that’s how they get rid of them down there…The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation frowns on that approach…

Three French Hens:

More birds. But hens remind me of the great urban poultry craze of the early 21^st Century. Lots of public debate with incredibly farcical scenarios like an invasion of foxes…ultimately one or two 911 calls about a few errant birds who wanted to see other areas of the community was about all the nuisance that was ever caused. Great omelets offset just about anything…

Two Turtle Doves:

This was a tough one to match (and its another dang bird), but it does make me think of all of the exotic animal cases that have come up during my time in city hall…snakes, ferrets, tarantulas, alligators (yes, pet alligators)…people really are desperate for company…

…and a Partridge in a Pear Tree:

Thankfully, this bird came with an acquaintance—the tree! When I was younger, I always read ordinances with great curiosity…why would you prohibit fruited trees? Then I got older. Pears, apples, crabapples, peaches…all littering the City sidewalks…ants, birds, that pet alligator…all crowding the sidewalk feasting at the buffet…gross…

If you’re a local government nerd like me, and have similar stories, please reach out. I’d love to hear them. In the meantime, good luck on getting Mariah Carey’s voice out of your head…