Today’s Morning Buzz is brought to you by Chris Keefer, owner of K2 Communications of SC, LLC based in Blythewood, SC. Connect with Chris on LinkedIn and Facebook.
What I’m Reading: The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams (this month’s book club pick)
What I’m Watching: The Good Wife, Season 6 on Paramount+
What I’m Excited About: Starting a new part-time job as a town administrator (which inspired this blog post!)
Public service is not easy. We all have those days: the ones where things seem to be humming along until one phone call, email, or in-person encounter throws a wrench in the works. At that point, we can duck and let the wrench hit something or someone else. But in most cases, the wrench is coming fast and out of nowhere, so we end up taking the hit. And when that wrench hits us, we can sulk and suffer through the pain alone—or we can head for the first aid kit and seek comfort.
I’ve done both the sulk-and-suffer and seek-comfort responses, depending on the size of the wrench thrown at me. Sometimes the wrench is small and doesn’t hurt too bad. That’s when I just put on my big girl pants, rub some dirt in it, and take a lap. To me, having one small wrench thrown at me doesn’t warrant a trip to the nurse’s office.
But when life throws a bunch of wrenches at me in rapid succession or whacks me with a big pipe wrench, it’s time to get first aid, comfort, and support from the folks who have my back. These folks are my personal and professional support networks, and I hope you are fortunate to have both. If not, allow me to share with you the various groups of people I include in my support networks and why.
My spouse. Over the last 38 years, my husband Jay has heard it all. He is the first person I call when a big wrench hits me. That’s because he knows me better than anyone else, and he always knows what to say to make things better. And when we have to deal with little wrenches, “happy hour at the Keefer house” is code for we’ll talk about those issues when we get home from work (and sometimes, adult beverages are required).
My kid. As parents, we’re charged with comforting and supporting our children. But fortunately, the roles sometimes reverse. As a child, my daughter Jayme always said “I love you, Mom” when I needed to hear it the most, and I have a big box of her crayon drawings and notes under my bed that I still pull out when I need the comfort of those words. My daughter is now a mom herself, and she still has the uncanny ability to lift me up, usually when I don’t even know I need it.
My dogs. No matter how crappy a day I’m having, the dogs we share our empty nest with (Butkus, Buster, and Roy) remind me in not-so-subtle ways that I’m not alone. Buster likes to lean in on me and pet me with his oversized paw. Butkus puts his big old block head in my hand so I have no other choice but to rub his head and ears. And Roy just sits patiently in front of me with his soulful brown eyes and wags his tail until I pet him. I need their unconditional love as much as they need mine.
My extended family. At age 85, my mom is still my biggest cheerleader. While I don’t burden her often with my big wrenches, we laugh about the little ones and she reminds me about how strong I can be. I’m also fortunate to have two of my four siblings nearby, and I see them a couple times a week. We are all close in age and deal with many of the same little wrenches. For the big ones (moves, career changes, aging, health issues), we help and support each other as best we can. My sister Colleen and I have dealt with a lot of the little wrenches by talking things out as we walk pool laps twice a week in the local gym. That’s our hydrotherapy!
Friends – old and new. We moved from our home state to a new state in our forties. As a result, most of our long-established friendships have been sustained through infrequent visits home, periodic texts, and daily reviews of social media posts. Through church and community involvement, we’ve made new friends over the 17 years we’ve been in our new hometown. And last year, I joined a “secret sister” group where I was matched up with another sister who anonymously showered me with monthly notes, cards, and little gifts reminding me that she was thinking about me. I reciprocated by doing the same for another sister in the group. To have a friend, you have to be a friend. If you want comfort and support, you have to be willing to provide the same for others.
People who work with and for you. Sometimes the people I work with are the ones throwing the wrenches – even when I’m trying to be a good coworker or boss. But those who can see how hard I am trying to duck, dodge, and dive around those wrenches have become my fiercest workplace allies. They offer words of encouragement and support my decisions and actions, even when it means walking away from toxic situations. Wherever you work, find people who know and share your intentions and your values—and be loyal and supportive of them. They will help get you through those tough days at work.
Professional colleagues. These are people who know you through your work; they may or may not be in the same profession or in the same organization. For me, my professional colleagues are those I’ve met through professional organizations, my fellow Chamber and nonprofit board members, local business people I’ve worked with, and even some of my clients who know me well. They have helped me start a business, find work, and served as my professional references; we frequently bounce ideas off each other and rely on each other for referrals and resources. I also count the folks I engage with virtually through LinkedIn, ELGL, and ICMA as my professional colleagues.
People with common interests and values. If you belong to a Facebook group, recreational sports team, Bible study group, or book club, you are part of a group of folks with whom you share common interests and values. You may not consider yourselves friends, but the mere fact that you share something in common satisfies the basic human need to “belong.” And there is much comfort to be found in being with “your people” because “they get you.”
As I wrap this up, I realize that I’m blessed with a wide network of people who have my back. With them in my corner, I never really have to sulk and suffer through a direct hit by a pipe wrench or a barrage of little wrenches. They are my first aid kit, and they give me comfort and support when I most need it.